Black Watch Mess Dinner

Last night, I was privileged enough to be invited to the coolest goddamn dinner I’ve ever been to.
My step father, John Angus, is an honorary member of the Black Watch mess, and his brother Steve used to be the company’s colonel. They managed to sneak me an invitation because of that, and my great grandfather was also a colonel of the Black Watch.
The Black Watch is a Scottish regiment, and is the most storied and histories regiment in Canada’s history, and has taken part in every major battle in both the great wars. As we walked into the Hall of the Watch through the entrance, past the honor guard dressed in formal parade gear, with regiment colors, kilt, spurn, tarkin, sash, and tall hat, the Officer on Duty came to attention for a display of arms to greet Steve, the guest of honor for the night. Behind them stood a trio of bagpipers and a drummer, who played an abbreviated rendition of the Black Watch Hymn. After he inspected the guard, we were ushered into the officer’s mess.
As you walk in the imposingly large double steel doors, you find yourself face to face with four massive wooden placards, with the names and years battles past. Paschendale, Vimy, Ypres, Somme, Dunkirk, the Oder River assault, Caen; the lists went on and on, listing all of the most influential, most gruesome battlegrounds of the wars that played host to the Black Watch.
We saluted.
First off, a few hours of ‘fighting thirst’ as they call it, which essentially means drinking neat scotch until you need to be helped to your seat. Maclallans, Glenlivet, Gelnmorangie; the list of fine spirits had me giddy, being a huge scotch lover, and I threw myself in wholeheartedly, and with much encouragement from the others to help me on. The others, I started to realize, were a who’s who of Montreal, and Canadian, big names. Though I’m not allowed to name names, there are a few things I can tell you. The black watch is an active regiment, serving in Afghanistan, as well as several other countries, around the world. There’s fear of family names being leaked, and it coming back to haunt their families, as has happened in the past.
Let me put it like this; to my right at the table was a Lieutenant General, to my left two majors on leave from Afghanistan. Across from me was a Major General, retired, who had served in the Second World War as Assistant Commander of the African Theater, and next to him was the Canadian minister of finances.
The meal was incredible; Sherry Consommé, followed by Steak a Jus, with wild beans and carrots, then Haggis with Sherry, followed by apple cobbler and handmade vanilla ice cream. And scotch. So much scotch. The table was set to a formal setting, all in fine polished silver and bone china emblazoned with the Regimental Crest, but there were only two glasses; one for scotch and one for sipping sherry. No water, not even wine or port. Scotch and Sherry; that’s it. There were crystal decanters for every two people, filled with the finest of spirits. Between every course, a jug of sherry, crystal as well, would be sent around, but there was a catch; as long as there was sherry in the jug, it couldn’t be set down on the table. It had to be emptied.
At the beginning of every course there was a parade progression of pipers and drummers with a different hymn each time. The best was when the haggis party came out. Four soldiers holding a platform with a big, steaming pot filled with a massive stomach, full of all the fixings. The commander of the Watch was handed a dirk, which has been blessed by the pope and given by the queen, and stabs the haggis three times, then pours brandy over it. Then, we all toast the haggis party and they head off.
Another strange experience was the snuff. Finley powdered, naturally grown tobacco leaves that are served to you from the head of a ram, in a little inset silver bowl. You sniff it. I don’t really get that part…
The night was a roaring shit show, and everyone there was completely pissed before long, and it only got worse.

I loved it.